HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR ENTOURAGE: THE ULTIMATE POINT SYSTEM GUIDE
Let’s be honest - choosing your wedding entourage can feel like navigating a minefield. You want to honor your closest people, but you also don’t want to offend anyone. And while this should be a fun part of wedding planning, it often turns into a source of stress. That’s where I come in to help simplify it for you with a bit of heart, a touch of humor, and—yes—a totally functional point system.
This isn’t about playing favorites or turning your wedding party into a popularity contest. It’s about getting clear on what matters most to you, so the people standing beside you truly deserve to be there—not just because of tradition or obligation, but because they support, love, and uplift you.
So, grab a notepad (or your wedding binder if you’re fancy), list out everyone in the running, and let’s get strategic with your wedding party lineup. Ready? Let’s dive into my Entourage Point Guide.
THE ENTOURAGE POINT GUIDE
Let’s break it down. For every potential member of your wedding party, assign points based on the criteria below. It’s kind of like fantasy football… only way more emotional and with a lot more tulle.
+10 POINTS: You are siblings
This one’s straightforward. If they’re your brother or sister, they get 10 points automatically. Even if you’re not super close, there’s something beautifully symbolic about including family.
💡 Pro Tip: If you’re on the fence, consider a sibling for an honorary role, like usher or reader, if you’re keeping your wedding party small.
+4 POINTS: They and your fiancé are siblings
Marrying into the family? Including your partner’s siblings is a thoughtful gesture—and can help build bridges early on. If you two are already tight, it’s even better. But even if you’re still in the “getting-to-know-you” phase, this inclusion can mean a lot.
+1 POINT PER EVERY 5 YEARS YOU’VE BEEN CLOSE
Time matters. If you’ve been BFFs since middle school, that history counts. Add up those friendship years in 5-year chunks—because weathering life’s changes together? That’s no small thing.
+2 POINTS: You’re BFFs now
This is your ride-or-die, your FaceTime-at-midnight friend, your person. If they’re your current bestie, give them the points. And if they were the very first person you called after saying “yes” (besides your mom), give them five bonus points on top.
+5 POINTS: Being around them just makes you happy
This one is gold. Weddings come with stress, opinions, and sometimes drama. So, if someone’s presence is pure joy and easy energy? Treasure that. These are the people who’ll keep you grounded, make you laugh, and help you stay sane when Aunt Linda’s asking about seating charts.
+1 POINT: You’d trust their opinion in any dressing room
If they can give honest, kind feedback about what actually flatters you—and they don’t say “you look great” just to move things along—then you want them helping you pick your wedding look. Fashion honesty is love.
+2 POINTS: You were in their entourage
Weddings can be reciprocal. If you were in their wedding party, they probably expect to be in yours. That said...
-2 POINTS IF IT’S BEEN MORE THAN FIVE YEARS
Let’s call this the statute of limitations. If you stood up at their wedding a decade ago and haven’t talked much since, you’re not obligated to return the favor. Friendship shifts with time. Honor the current connection.
-3 POINTS: They were a ‘zilla at their own wedding
You know who I’m talking about. If they turned into a complete nightmare at their own wedding - demanding, manipulative, dismissive of your feelings - you’re not required to let that energy into your own planning process. You deserve calm, supportive people, not re-traumatization.
TALLY YOUR SCORES Once you’ve gone through the list and added up the points for each potential member, here’s how the results break down:
1–6 POINTS:
Not quite inner-circle territory. These folks might not make the entourage cut—but they can absolutely still be involved. Consider asking them to do a reading, help hand out programs, or be your personal dance-floor hype crew.
7–14 POINTS:
Solid candidates. They’ve earned their spot. Whether they’re a groomsman, bridesmaid, bridesman, groomswoman, or whatever title fits, they make the cut.
15+ POINTS:
By a landslide! This person is more than just in—they might be your Maid of Honor, Matron of Honor, Best Man, or Person of Honor. They’re your front-line support system, and they’ve clearly been that for a long time.
STILL STUCK? HERE’S WHAT TO REMEMBER
Even with the point system, you might still be torn. So let me offer a little perspective from my years of working with couples and officiating weddings. I’ve seen every kind of entourage imaginable—mixed-gender, zero entourage, 14 people on each side, even pets as ring bearers. Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. YOU GET TO SET THE TONE
This is your wedding. If your best friend is your brother and your cousin is your soul sister, let them stand with you. You don’t have to match numbers, follow traditions, or balance sides. Do what feels right.
2. CHOOSE FOR SUPPORT, NOT SHOW
Your wedding party will be with you during emotional moments, tight timelines, and pre-ceremony nerves. They’ll help with planning tasks, coordinate attire, and offer hugs when things feel overwhelming. Choose people who will show up for you—not just in photos.
3. SIZE DOESN’T MATTER
(For your wedding party, anyway.) You can have zero attendants or twelve. You can skip it altogether and still have an incredible, heartfelt celebration. Less pressure, fewer matching outfits, and more room for meaningful moments.
SPECIAL ROLES FOR SPECIAL PEOPLE
Maybe you’ve got a friend or relative who doesn’t quite make the entourage cut but still means a lot to you. Great! There are so many ways to include loved ones in your celebration that don’t involve standing at the altar.
• Ceremony reader: Let them read a poem, scripture, or personal reflection.
• Greeter or usher: Especially helpful for guiding guests and setting a welcoming tone.
• Candle lighter or ritual participant: If you’re doing a unity ceremony, consider involving them.
• Reception toast giver: Especially if they’re great with words (and wine).
• Host a shower or engagement party: Not everyone wants to be in formalwear, but many are happy to plan a bash.
WHAT IF SOMEONE’S UPSET?
This happens, and it’s okay. Hurt feelings are part of being human—but that doesn’t mean you have to people-please your way through wedding planning. If someone is disappointed they weren’t asked to be in the wedding party, be kind but firm. A simple, loving explanation works wonders:
“I love you and I’m so grateful for your support. We decided to keep the wedding party small, but I absolutely want you to be part of the day in a meaningful way.” Set your boundary with warmth—and then offer an alternate way to include them if you want to.
FINAL WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
Here’s what I want you to remember most: Your wedding party should reflect the people who bring out the best in you. Not just the people who are “supposed to” be there. You’re not casting a movie—you’re choosing your emotional support crew.
Trust your gut. Use the points as a guide, not a rule. And know that however your entourage shapes up, what matters most is the love surrounding you—whether that’s 10 people at your side or just one.
So go forth, friend, and build a wedding party that feels like home. And if you ever need a sounding board, a calming voice, or someone to talk wedding strategy with - I’m here for you.
Rev. Sabrina Camacho
This isn’t about playing favorites or turning your wedding party into a popularity contest. It’s about getting clear on what matters most to you, so the people standing beside you truly deserve to be there—not just because of tradition or obligation, but because they support, love, and uplift you.
So, grab a notepad (or your wedding binder if you’re fancy), list out everyone in the running, and let’s get strategic with your wedding party lineup. Ready? Let’s dive into my Entourage Point Guide.
THE ENTOURAGE POINT GUIDE
Let’s break it down. For every potential member of your wedding party, assign points based on the criteria below. It’s kind of like fantasy football… only way more emotional and with a lot more tulle.
+10 POINTS: You are siblings
This one’s straightforward. If they’re your brother or sister, they get 10 points automatically. Even if you’re not super close, there’s something beautifully symbolic about including family.
💡 Pro Tip: If you’re on the fence, consider a sibling for an honorary role, like usher or reader, if you’re keeping your wedding party small.
+4 POINTS: They and your fiancé are siblings
Marrying into the family? Including your partner’s siblings is a thoughtful gesture—and can help build bridges early on. If you two are already tight, it’s even better. But even if you’re still in the “getting-to-know-you” phase, this inclusion can mean a lot.
+1 POINT PER EVERY 5 YEARS YOU’VE BEEN CLOSE
Time matters. If you’ve been BFFs since middle school, that history counts. Add up those friendship years in 5-year chunks—because weathering life’s changes together? That’s no small thing.
This is your ride-or-die, your FaceTime-at-midnight friend, your person. If they’re your current bestie, give them the points. And if they were the very first person you called after saying “yes” (besides your mom), give them five bonus points on top.
+5 POINTS: Being around them just makes you happy
This one is gold. Weddings come with stress, opinions, and sometimes drama. So, if someone’s presence is pure joy and easy energy? Treasure that. These are the people who’ll keep you grounded, make you laugh, and help you stay sane when Aunt Linda’s asking about seating charts.
+1 POINT: You’d trust their opinion in any dressing room
If they can give honest, kind feedback about what actually flatters you—and they don’t say “you look great” just to move things along—then you want them helping you pick your wedding look. Fashion honesty is love.
+2 POINTS: You were in their entourage
Weddings can be reciprocal. If you were in their wedding party, they probably expect to be in yours. That said...
-2 POINTS IF IT’S BEEN MORE THAN FIVE YEARS
Let’s call this the statute of limitations. If you stood up at their wedding a decade ago and haven’t talked much since, you’re not obligated to return the favor. Friendship shifts with time. Honor the current connection.
-3 POINTS: They were a ‘zilla at their own wedding
You know who I’m talking about. If they turned into a complete nightmare at their own wedding - demanding, manipulative, dismissive of your feelings - you’re not required to let that energy into your own planning process. You deserve calm, supportive people, not re-traumatization.
TALLY YOUR SCORES Once you’ve gone through the list and added up the points for each potential member, here’s how the results break down:
1–6 POINTS:
Not quite inner-circle territory. These folks might not make the entourage cut—but they can absolutely still be involved. Consider asking them to do a reading, help hand out programs, or be your personal dance-floor hype crew.
7–14 POINTS:
Solid candidates. They’ve earned their spot. Whether they’re a groomsman, bridesmaid, bridesman, groomswoman, or whatever title fits, they make the cut.
15+ POINTS:
By a landslide! This person is more than just in—they might be your Maid of Honor, Matron of Honor, Best Man, or Person of Honor. They’re your front-line support system, and they’ve clearly been that for a long time.
STILL STUCK? HERE’S WHAT TO REMEMBER
Even with the point system, you might still be torn. So let me offer a little perspective from my years of working with couples and officiating weddings. I’ve seen every kind of entourage imaginable—mixed-gender, zero entourage, 14 people on each side, even pets as ring bearers. Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. YOU GET TO SET THE TONE
This is your wedding. If your best friend is your brother and your cousin is your soul sister, let them stand with you. You don’t have to match numbers, follow traditions, or balance sides. Do what feels right.
2. CHOOSE FOR SUPPORT, NOT SHOW
Your wedding party will be with you during emotional moments, tight timelines, and pre-ceremony nerves. They’ll help with planning tasks, coordinate attire, and offer hugs when things feel overwhelming. Choose people who will show up for you—not just in photos.
3. SIZE DOESN’T MATTER
(For your wedding party, anyway.) You can have zero attendants or twelve. You can skip it altogether and still have an incredible, heartfelt celebration. Less pressure, fewer matching outfits, and more room for meaningful moments.
SPECIAL ROLES FOR SPECIAL PEOPLE
Maybe you’ve got a friend or relative who doesn’t quite make the entourage cut but still means a lot to you. Great! There are so many ways to include loved ones in your celebration that don’t involve standing at the altar.
• Ceremony reader: Let them read a poem, scripture, or personal reflection.
• Greeter or usher: Especially helpful for guiding guests and setting a welcoming tone.
• Candle lighter or ritual participant: If you’re doing a unity ceremony, consider involving them.
• Reception toast giver: Especially if they’re great with words (and wine).
• Host a shower or engagement party: Not everyone wants to be in formalwear, but many are happy to plan a bash.
WHAT IF SOMEONE’S UPSET?
This happens, and it’s okay. Hurt feelings are part of being human—but that doesn’t mean you have to people-please your way through wedding planning. If someone is disappointed they weren’t asked to be in the wedding party, be kind but firm. A simple, loving explanation works wonders:
“I love you and I’m so grateful for your support. We decided to keep the wedding party small, but I absolutely want you to be part of the day in a meaningful way.” Set your boundary with warmth—and then offer an alternate way to include them if you want to.
FINAL WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
Here’s what I want you to remember most: Your wedding party should reflect the people who bring out the best in you. Not just the people who are “supposed to” be there. You’re not casting a movie—you’re choosing your emotional support crew.
Trust your gut. Use the points as a guide, not a rule. And know that however your entourage shapes up, what matters most is the love surrounding you—whether that’s 10 people at your side or just one.
So go forth, friend, and build a wedding party that feels like home. And if you ever need a sounding board, a calming voice, or someone to talk wedding strategy with - I’m here for you.
Rev. Sabrina Camacho
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